When New Fatherhood Doesn’t Feel Like Joy
Let’s talk about paternal postpartum depression.
When we picture the early days of parenthood, we often imagine sleepless nights, sweet baby snuggles, and exhausted but glowing parents. But for many dads, that picture doesn’t quite fit.
Take Nate, for example. He was three months into fatherhood when he realized something wasn’t right. He was trying to soothe his son—rocking, bouncing, bottle, pacifier—nothing worked. And instead of feeling bonded or patient, he felt…helpless.
“I felt like I was failing as a man and as a father,” he said.
And underneath that moment was something deeper: depression.
Yes—Dads Can Get Postpartum Depression, Too
We hear a lot about postpartum depression in moms, but many people don’t know it can affect dads as well. In fact, up to 1 in 4 new fathers experience what’s called paternal perinatal depression, or PPND. It can begin during the pregnancy or develop in the first year after birth, often peaking around 3 to 6 months postpartum.
But it doesn’t always look like “classic” depression. For many men, it shows up as:
Anger or irritability
Pulling away from their partner or baby
Throwing themselves into work or isolating completely
Taking more risks, drinking more, or feeling numb
What Causes This?
The short answer: a lot.
Hormones shift during fatherhood, too—yes, even in men. Testosterone drops, estrogen rises, and those changes affect mood. Sleep deprivation plays a huge role. Waking up multiple times a night, navigating changing routines, and constant vigilance can leave anyone depleted. Big emotional changes happen, too. Many new dads feel pushed to the sidelines or unsure of their role. Some struggle with feeling replaced or distant from their partner, or even disconnected from their baby. If there's a history of trauma, loss, or mental health struggles, those can resurface under the pressure. And if a dad’s partner is struggling with postpartum depression, his risk of experiencing it too increases significantly.
How Do You Know If It’s Happening?
It’s not always obvious. Paternal postpartum depression often gets overlooked because it doesn’t always show up as sadness. Instead, you might see:
A dad who’s constantly angry or “on edge”
One who spends extra hours at work just to avoid being home
Someone who starts taking risks or withdrawing completely
A deep sense of guilt, failure, or shame
If these symptoms stick around for more than two weeks, it’s time to talk to someone.
Quick Self-Check: Could You Be Experiencing Paternal Postpartum Depression?
Take a moment and ask yourself:
Do I feel more irritable or quick to anger lately?
Have I been withdrawing from my partner or my baby?
Am I spending extra time at work or avoiding home responsibilities?
Do I feel like I’m failing, or not enough, even when I try my best?
Have I been drinking more, taking risks, or zoning out?
Do I feel guilty or ashamed just for having these thoughts?
If you answered “yes” to 3 or more, you’re not alone—and it doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It just means something important inside you needs attention. Therapy can help.
Therapy Works
The good news? PPND is treatable. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
For Nate, it was his wife who gently brought it up. She noticed he’d pulled away and encouraged him to see a therapist. That step was hard—but it changed everything.
In therapy, he finally put words to what he was feeling: overwhelm, exhaustion, disconnection, sadness. Naming those feelings didn’t make him weak. It made him real—and it made healing possible.
When Nate finally went to therapy, he was able to say things he hadn’t voiced to anyone. He processed the overwhelm, the frustration, the fear. And eventually, he started to feel better.
“I love my son. And I was depressed. And that’s okay.”
At Life Matters Counseling and Psychological Services, we understand that mental health doesn’t discriminate—dads struggle too. You deserve support just as much as anyone else in your family.
David specializes in men’s mental health and works with fathers navigating identity, anxiety, and relationship challenges during early parenthood. He brings a warm, grounded approach to therapy that honors both your struggles and your strength.
Whether you’re a new dad feeling overwhelmed or someone trying to support a partner in distress, David and our team are here for you.
Life Matters Counseling and Psychological Services
📍 1433 N 1075 W, Suite 120, Farmington, UT
🌐 www.lifematterspsych.com
📞 Call/Text: 385-219-4980